For much of my early life, I believed that if I stayed organized enough, worked hard enough, and planned perfectly, I could control all outcomes.

Growing up in a challenging home environment taught me to be fiercely independent. I was loved — there was no doubt about that — but life circumstances weren’t easy.

So I learned to rely on myself. I became self-sufficient, self-driven, and a natural achiever. Independence was my armor, and excellence was my fuel.

At first, this mindset served me well, it ushered me forward — into leadership, into opportunity, into personal and professional growth.

But somewhere along the way, I began to realize: self-sufficiency wasn’t enough.

When Control Isn’t the Answer

As I matured in my career and stepped into greater leadership roles, something inside me shifted.

Despite my best efforts to plan and prepare, life would still throw me curveballs. Chaos would set in when I least expected it.

And no matter how carefully I structured my days, some outcomes remained completely outside of my control.

For a Type A, perfectionistic person like me, this was deeply unsettling.

I thought: If I just work harder, if I just plan better, maybe I can avoid the chaos.

But I was wrong.

It wasn’t more control that I needed — it was more faith.

Finding a Stronger Foundation

It was through serving in ministry that faith found its rightful place in my life.

Faith moved from being a background idea to being my firm foundation.

Through serving others, I learned compassion on a deeper level — a life-on-life connection that no level of planning could manufacture.

I learned to see people, situations, and setbacks differently.

I learned that some of the greatest growth happens in the mess, not in the plan.

Most of all, I learned to let go.

Not out of defeat — but out of trust. Jesus as the object of my trust, embraces his divine purpose and his divine character.

Trust that the best guide for my journey wasn’t my own agenda.

Trust that when chaos sets in, it might be a divine reset.

Trust that new purpose is often hidden in unexpected paths.

Maybe Chaos is an Invitation

Today, I still plan. I still organize. I still pursue excellence.

But I hold those plans much more loosely.

Because I know that when life doesn’t go “according to plan,” it might actually be going exactly according to purpose.

If you find yourself in a season where things feel uncertain, unsteady, or out of control — maybe it’s not a setback.

Maybe it’s an invitation.

An invitation to listen more closely. To trust more deeply. And to step into a new and greater purpose.

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Reflection Question:

Where in your life might you need to loosen your grip and trust in the foundation laid for you a little more today? How have you seen your faith reshape your journey?